#Relationshipsgoals

Social media magnified the term “Keeping Up with the Jones.” We spend a significant amount of our day looking at the surface lives of others. We see the good side of couples; however, we don’t see the bad side. If we do see people who completely put their lives on display we judge them and say things like “I wish they would just break up.” But, in reality if you knew half the stuff that goes on in behind the scenes of relationships would they still be #relationshipgoals.

 

My relationship is my relationship and to be honest what you see is exactly who Donta and I are underneath the surface. Of course, we argue about more than just ice cream; however, that isn’t for the world to know. I will say that the foundation in which, we built our marriage on has brought us to this upcoming 11^th year of marriage. We’ve learned together, cried together, vowed together, and we struggled together.

 

We allowed our marriage to be our marriage with minimal outside influences. This is something we agreed upon early in our relationship and it’s been a hard and crazy path we’ve been on. But, I can honestly say there is no one else I would have rather went through it all with. So, five things I learned about marriage over these 10 years and 2 months are:

 

1. You have to teach your spouse how to love you and respect you. We all have different love languages and we have to teach our significant other before and after marriage how to love us. We have to let them know how their love impacts us emotionally. Yes, respect is given; however, we don’t all view respect in the same manner. Some of use model our relationships based off of what we seen in our lives. While others use the relationships we seen as the “What not to do,” guidelines for our lives.
2. You must both set boundaries. Together you have to come together and understand the limits in your relationships. What is it that may make or break the relationship for you? What will you not put up with? This is an important step and it may be something you learn along the way. Things that you say you are unwilling to forgive once your invested in a relationship you may change your thought process. However, this does not mean allow someone to walk over you. Forgiveness is not forgetting and if someone continues to engage in the same act over and over again than what does that say about his or her consideration for you.
3. You have to separate your spousal duties and your parental duties. When my husband and I were married we were a ready-made family. We both came with a child and we had a child together. We had three children under 5. I struggled with my parenting duties and my wifely duties. This was detrimental to my marriage. Our lives had become separated. I spent my days as a stay-at-home mom catering to the kids while he worked and went to happy hour. We both had a breaking a point where we had to just have it out and again define our roles and our expectations for each other. He needed me to make time and effort for wifely duties and I needed him to remember to romance me. It took a while but I think we have it together. We still have minor upsets but we get back on track.
4. No matter the situation, your husband should feel like a man. It’s important even if you are taking charge that your husband still feels like a man. He needs to be involved in household decisions and his opinions matter. The way the world is today many woman make more money than their husbands and this where they feel they get to make all the decision. Yes, I consult with my husband a lot of decisions in my life. I do this because he needs to be the head of the house. I also know my husband and it’s important that I consult with him not, that I seek his permission or approval. Let the man lead and if he is not worthy of leading you have other problems.
5. Pick and choose your battles wisely. My home is my place of peace. I do not believe in everything being an argument. Yes, I get frustrated daily. I could start a million arguments; however, not everything is worth it. I would rather just let the air stay on and get under the covers than argue about what temperature the room should be. Being petty will not be healthy for your marriage.

 

This just some food for thought I’m not a relationship expert. I do not have the perfect relationship; however, I do know that I’m happy and the above five items is how I learned to be happy and enjoy my marriage. So, next time you see someone and you envy their relationship over yours, just think about how you can improve and make your current relationship better.